Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Disclaimer

This is a post that I had sitting in my "draft" file. As I read over my "Pride and Joy" posts that I did for each of the children, I realized it is obvious that I prefer to focus on the positive rather than the negative. I would rather tell you about the wonderful things my children have done--what good does it do any of us to hear all the dirt?!? Also, I don't think it's fair to share their heartache with the world--that is up to them. So anyone who thinks I'm one of those people who sends out a Christmas letter with all the glowing things my children and grandchildren (and in a few months, my great grandchildren) have done--THAT'S ME!!!

I remember one of my sisters commenting a couple of years ago that I don't have any grey hair because I don't have any problems. Yeah right. (I was about to list some of the things that we have been through, but forget it ; )

So, Yvonne, what brought this on. Well, as I was blog lurking the other day, I came across a somewhat sarcastic post about people who do this sort of thing--write glowing letters about their children. I thought: Wow, that sounds like me. I thought, gee, I wonder if that's what people think about me??? Then I thought, well that's just who I choose to be.

I started wondering if perhaps I was out in left field, but then read this quote by President McKay: “Every man and every person who lives in this world wields an influence, whether for good or for evil. It is not what he says alone; it is not alone what he does. It is what he is. Every man, every person radiates what he or she really is…It is what we are and what we radiate that affects the people around us.
“…If we think noble thoughts; if we encourage and cherish noble aspirations, there will be that radiation when we meet people, especially when we associate with them.”

So perhaps it is o.k.

Sidenote: I went to the mailbox yesterday and there was this GREAT package from Nancyface and Lauren. You guys are great. Thank you so much. I loved it ALL!!!

And right before I left for Mexico I got these great Chocolate pop rocks from Klin and I forgot to thank her. Such a great thing--what a sweetie. Thank you so much.


Alice Wills Gold said...

And, that sarcastic post probably came from me.....what does that make me inside?...may be worth looking in to.

I always appreciate other people's positive outlooks, but for me, I just have to keep it real....not that you are not, just that I have tried to only say positive things all the time, and it just doesn't work for depresses me to try to have this "perfect" life.

But, just so you know, I don't look at you like you don't have problems, I just know that some people choose to focus on the positive while simultaneously keeping their trials very private...and I know that is o.k.

I'll accept you, if you can accept me! We all just need each other.

And, I will make a note to myself AGAIN to keep my negativity in check!

JustRandi said...

It's a fine line isn't it? I mean, it's one thing to keep it real, and another thing to tell about things that completely embarrass yourself, your husband, or heaven-forbid, your teenagers.

So many times there are things that frustrate me that I just want to vent about, or things that have made me laugh SO hard, but when I try to write about it, it makes someone else look incredibly stupid, and makes me feel mean. So those posts usually go unpublished.

Sometimes I think that what's on my blog is not necessarily a full picture of who I am, but I'd rather seem too Suzy Sunshine, than have the fallout from going too far the other way.

I think it's great that you can focus on the positive, Yvonne. I bet your family LOVES that about you! I know you've been a great example to me.

Melissa said...

I may have written a similar post... I can understand where you're coming from on this. Focusing on the positive is always the best... for me, I hate the letters that come across as "my kids are better than your kids because..." and the only reason they come across like that is becaus I know these people. And that's probably what they mean... it's just part of who they are. It's important for them to have kids that are the best at everything and they enjoy showing off.
I don't think you have a "perfect" life. I thought your Pride and Joy posts were aweseome! And you're right - it's not your job to talk about their mistakes to the world.

No Cool Story said...

Your blog is the only place you are allowed to brag, focus only on the positive things, whine once in a while and share your weird humor.

I believe this wiht all my heart, as IRL I don't really have that many hats :D

Peter said...

Hey Yvonne, Everyone has problems in their life at one time or another. Isn't that why we're be tryed and tested and see what are choices are and the outcomes of them. Just think of the negative things Lehi could have said about Laman and Lemuel. And yes to some extent he mentioned the trials he had with his sons. But I believe that those trials only made the family more stronger and able to endure.
I love to hear about the things you are doing and yep even the positive. Never change that...Love you lots Sister.

Tori :) said...

Now I feel bad for my Tad Awards! LOL! They are all in good fun.
Who wants to receive a Christmas letter that says 'My teenagers are buttheads and my husband isn't romantic..." NO ONE!! :)

aurora said...

I love your positive posts! There is so much negative in the world without us adding to it.

Not to say that I don't have my rants, because I do, and I think that complaining can be very funny, too- kind of eases the burdens of whatever is bugging you. But, for the most part, I like to keep it sunny, too. Shine on, sister! ♥

Chel said...

Yvonne- I loved that quote, thanks. I think we all know we have our own "problems." But, honestly, sometimes life is just good (like mine is right now, but it's been in the DUMPS before). I tend to be very positive about things, I'm happy go lucky and I'm sure my blog makes my life sound wonderful. :)
I hope I don't come across gloating and bragging and so forth. And I never think my kids are better than everyone else. I just love them so much and when I talk about how wonderful they are (well, except Jaxon, he's pretty naughty), it's because they are!! I am so blessed!! I am so in love with my kids. I probably need to try better to keep it real, but sometimes the only negative is Ryker's dad's lameness and who really wants to hear about that jerk?? :)
anyway, I'm just rambling. I hope I don't come across to boastful. I do like to keep the focus positive although I do have problems every now and then. I KNOW my kids will encounter problems as they grow up... AND I loved your "pride and joy" posts. They were exactly as they should be-- especially for grown children. We all have problems or have made mistakes, but do we really have to share that with everyone? no, we don't.

Okay. okay. this is the longest comment ever.
You are awesome and I love the positive energy, look at the bright side attitude you have. It's contagious.

smellychelli said...

Like you, Yvonne, I am also a fairly positive person. I try to keep it real, but I know that my blog is public and I don't necessarily want Joe Stranger knowing all the dirt in my life. Some things are better kept private and if I need to write about them, that's what my personal/private journal is for.

Here's another thought on the whole rose colored glasses thing: my family (i.e. teenager) reads my blog and I want her to know I think she's pretty terriffic. Kids respond better if they are built up rather than torn down. I tell her frequently what I like about her, but if she sees that I'm telling other people her positive aspects, then she tends to want to work on those aspects a little more.

Does this make sense?

(I appreciate those who are willing to write about some of the negatives in their life because then I don't feel so alone in my trials! There's a place in this world for every kind of blog!)

Yvonne said...

alicewillsgold: No it didn't--I don't lurk, I comment on your blog.

I'm not trying to have a perfect life--I'm striving to do my best. All I was trying to say was that neither I nor my husband are perfect, my children are not perfect, and my grandchildren are not. (Believe me that will not come as a surprise to any of them--we all know what we are striving to do, and are all smart enough to know we can't achieve it on our own. )

I just wanted to make it clear that I don't feel it is up to me to talk about anyone else's weaknesses or challenges--other than my own.

Of course, I'll accept you. You're right--we all need each other.

This "disclaimer" was about me, no one else. I was not criticizing the person whose blog I read. They are entitled to their own feelings.

justrandi: Yes it is a fine line. I learned a long time ago from a very wise woman not to criticize my husband publicly--I wouldn't want him talking about the fact that I didn't vacuum or left my clothes on a chair. I can make fun of me all day and we can make fun of each other, but I would never want to hurt him or any of my children.

I think it's enough that people know I'm not perfect that don't need to know every area of my life where I struggle. I might share little struggles once in awhile.

I've learned from experience, randi, and have been criticized by some in my family for being too judgmental, so maybe I'm just trying to turn over a new leaf ; )

melissa: thanks for understanding. I'll share the things we've talked and laughed about.

ncs: thank you for getting it. I appreciate your comment.

carolyn: Thanks. You're right about Lehi--I'm sure we didn't hear EVERYTHING about Laman and Lemuel.

tori: Your TAD awards are great. Please know this was about ME and how I feel about what I write on my blog--not what anyone else is writing.

LOL about the Christmas letter comment.

aurora: Believe me I have my moments where I LOVE TO COMPLAIN. (And I do) Thanks.

chel: That's what I don't want to sound like--gloating and bragging--perfect description. Like you, I never think my kids are better than anyone else. I think they're pretty great, but it doesn't mean better. The comparing thing is where we get ourselves in so much trouble.

Thank you for understanding about the pride and joy posts. It's just not my place to share their mistakes or struggles.

Thanks again.

smellychelli: Yeah, like you some of my children and grandchildren read my blog. I just wouldn't want any of them hurt by a comment I might make--even if I'm trying to be funny. Now, if it's something we've all laughed about, that's different.

You're right about there being a place in the blogosphere for every kind of blog ; )

Magirk said...

I saw a post like that - criticizing those who send out the 'pomp and circumstance' Christmas letters.

Shoo me out the door, cuz I love those Christmas letters!! Of course it's okay! I don't really want to know other people's dirt, per se. If I can be of help to someone during their times of trial, then I will gladly share someone's burden if they want to invite me to share it. But as far as I'm concerned, what happens in Vegas....

I like to know the good things people have been doing, their happy, glorious moments - the moments that will be cherished memories for them all through their lives!

Although, obviously I'm not closed to the option of disclosing all my own dirt on my blog, and often in a sarcastic manner.... EEEEK!

And I completely agree with the statement from Pres. McKay. I'm going to copy it, file it, print it out, save it, and refer to it often, so thanks for posting it! ;)

Valuable advice.

The Practicalist said...

I love the quote.

"keeping it real" can be about all the goodness and blessings in ones life...Men are that they may have joy:)

PJ said...

Opps, that was my hub I just commented as:)

Ashley said...

I think that the "Pride and Joy" posts were wonderful. Most people know no one is perfect. (including kids)

I think those not so great things contribute to creating the great things in people. If we never made mistakes we would never grow. It really isn't needed to share those details with others unless you want to.

I usually don't want to, but can't say I don't enjoy seeing change and progression in myself and those I love.

I actually do enjoy reading 'those' kind of Christmas cards.

Jodi said...

The Christmas cards I get the most excited about are the family newsletters. I write one each year myself...well this year it ended up being a Valentine's Day one- but hey, at least I did it! I want to hear the good things that are happening in our friend's lives and what their kids accomplished. I do have to admit though that I really get a feeling of bonding when someone shares their life as less than perfect at times.

Bottom line...we all need to be WHO WE ARE and do what WE feel is best to express that.

Tonya said...

It's more than okay. I love that you choose to focus on the positive when we live in a world so full of negativity. I think you are just right exactly the way you are.

P.S. Chocolate pop rocks, I've never heard of that..hmmmm.

Nancy Face said...

Thank you for sharing the quote by President's wonderful, and I really believe it!

No one has a "perfect" life, free of problems or heartache. We should all realize that! I enjoy being around people who focus on positive things, rather than the negative, because they lift my heart and make me feel happy! That's one of the many things I ♥ about you! I really enjoyed all the great posts you wrote about your children! :)

Don't get me wrong...I enjoy reading all types of blogs, and I love all my blog friends! If someone is hurting or frustrated, it makes me feel good to try and encourage them. I also like sarcastic posts if they're funny rather than mean!

I make fun of my family in some of my posts, and I laugh out loud when they make fun of me in their comments! (I just hope I don't go too far...yikes!)

As for those Christmas letters...I enjoy MOST of them! It's nice to catch up on people's lives and hear what their children and grandchildren are up to! I'm not so crazy about the ones that brag about all their money and stuff...BLEH!

I'm glad you finally got your package...sorry it was too late for St. Patrick's Day! Wow, the mail is really slow getting to your place! :0

Whitney said...

I love how positive you are, all the time!!! There's nothing wrong with that. Of course, everyone has negative things that happen in their life, but you are always focusing and remembering the good things that happened. That is awesome :) If we just always focused on the negative things, that would be all that would happen and we would just be sad and negative ourselves.
Your posts and comments always make me smile.
Keep being positive!!

Holly said...

My husband and I had a conversation last night that was on the same line as this. He made a comment about the story where the husband and wife are told to each write down everything that bugs them about their spouse, and wife's list is super long and the husband doesn't write anything. I told him that I honestly couldn't do that if someone asked me to.

Are there things that bug me. Sure. Are they things I dwell on? No. What's the point? I'd much rather focus on everything about him and my children that is good and why they are my "pride and joys" like you've said.

I struggle so much with not letting lifes daily struggles and trials get to me anyway. Do I fail some days on being positive? Absolutely. Is that normal? Yes. Sometimes you just need to vent and get it out. But, you move on.

I love that you look on the bright side of life, and that you focus on the positive. No one wants to read about constant negativity anyway. Everyone has bad days along with the good.

utmommy said...

I try to be positive too. When I worry to much about the negative, then I'm grouchy and things just don't run smoothly. So, I'm all about the positive. I think your blog is great.

We all know that we have our faults and wish that some things could be different. But, this is the life we've been given. So, why not put on a happy face and find the positive?! At least that is what I try to do.

You go right ahead and be positive! I love it!

I loved that quote! I totally agree.

Jess said...

I love that you focus on the good. That is why Moms are so amazing!

Doodlebug said...

Good for you! I vote for positive any day!

Check out my spring is definitely positive!

Lauren said...

Yvonne, being positive is bomb! I should make you and my mom shirts that say "Positivity is BOMB! (Says Lauren)" haha! Wouldn't that be awesome?

I happened to love your "Pride and Joy" posts the bestest! I would check every day to see if you posted a new one!

Your positivity is amazing and makes you special! I love that about you :)

We should call you "Yvonne, ray of Sunshine"

Yvonne said...

magirk: I guess I just wanted everyone to understand that I just don't want to write about the problems, struggles, etc., my children have had--it's just not fair to them.

I'm glad you liked the Pres. McKay quote--I thought it was a goodone.

pj: Thanks--I thought that was you, because I remembered when I visited his blog to wish him a Happy Birthday ; ) I love your comment.

ashley: Thanks for understanding. I think we do have to look back and note the progress we all make--and often that includes seeing where we came from or experiences we've had--and often doesn't need to be shared with the world.

jodi: Thank you--very well said ; )

tonya: Thanks--you are always so sweet.

(I didn't know they had chocolate pop rocks either ; )

nancyface: Glad you liked the quote.

Thanks--maybe your positive attitude has rubbed off on me ; )

I love reading all kinds of blogs, too. Like you say when someone is hurting I want to try and offer encouraging words, too.

I love how you and your family interact--and it is obviously always done in fun.

I'm with you on those Christmas letters.

I was so excited to get the package--I don't care how long it takes ; ) Thanks again.

whitney: Thank you so much. I really appreciate your words.

holly: Thanks, holly. I, too, remember that story.

You're right, sometimes we do need to vent and get it out and move on.

Thanks again.

utmommy: Thanks--I don't want to be grouchy either. I try to put on a happy face, too--some days it's tougher than others.

I'm glad you liked the quote.

jess: Thanks.

doodlebug: Thanks--and thanks for commenting. I will stop by.

lauren: Those shirts would be fun ; )

I'm glad you enjoyed the Pride and Joy posts--thanks.

You are so sweet. I'd love to be thought of as a "ray of sunshine".

annie said...

I don't know how I missed this post Yvonne. I love the great posts about your kids and I try to focus on the positive too. You are an awesome mom, that's for sure!